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"Ivan wakes up and yells, "Mama, mama!"I hold the phone up to his ear, he begins to giggle, then I take the phone away. He lies back down and promptly goes to sleep. I begin to say something when I hear gunfire outside and say, "Shit Masha, something else is going on here and I need to go."I bail out of bed, toss on my clothes, grab a rifle and head for the door...Present – Masha – Outside the FBI officeI look at Todd and plead, "Todd, something bad is happening at the cabin again. Is there some way we can get to the cabin post haste?"He signs, "I think I might be able to acquire a helicopter for us."He does acquire a helicopter with a pilot and we proceed to the cabin with utmost urgency!Present – Mira, Ira and Alexi – At the cabinMy tympanic units detect the sound of rifle fire - 5.56 rifle fire to be exact. I sit upright in my bed and state, "Ms. Donaldson is experiencing additional difficulties outside the cabin."My warning applies flaming matter to Ira's and Alexi's posteriors.. Described simply, they would put these creatures – that looked like a cross between a slug and a spider – on the wound and then slap them. Their immediate reaction was the fight or flight response, so they would defaecate, ready to slither/run away. The shit had to be as fresh as possible because some of the effective chemicals were volatile. Later, my alien friends informed me that they weren’t sure these chemicals would help my human recovery.‘So why did I let them put these disgusting animals on me?’‘We were curious.’ They could tell I wasn’t happy, they genuinely could not understand why not; it was a great experiment as far as they were concerned.In those few weeks, Avril grew bigger and finally agreed that sex could be postponed since she was the size of a house, I tried to console her by pointing out she was only the size of a working class hovel rather than one of the better quality houses. She didn’t see the joke. But at least she stopped pestering me.But what of the man? I.
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